All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

'I outlived the bitches.'

This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness.

Someone who teaches at an Elementary in Thorsby forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Thorsby School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sunnybrook Assisted
Home for the Aged. My family have all passed away and I am alone so thank you for your kindness to a forgotten old lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine but I told her to f*** off.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna.

A man was hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm.

The storm was so strong that he could hardly see his feet in front of

him.

Suddenly a car stopped next to him.

Without thinking, he got in and closed the door, just to realize that

there was nobody behind the steering wheel. The car moved off slowly. He looked ahead and saw a curve in the road. Scared, he started praying, begging for his life. He was terrified. Just before hitting the curve a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel.

The man, now paralysed with fear, watched how the hand kept appearing every time they got to a curve.

Gathering all his courage, he jumped out and ran to the nearest lights

He could see. Wet and in shock, he went into a shebeen and asked for a double brandy. After drinking it, he told everyone of the horrible experience he just had.

Everyone was silent when they realized he was crying. About half an hour later, two men came walking into the shebeen and, on seeing the terrified man, the one said to the other:

"Mfowetu, isn't that the idiot that got into the car while we were pushing it?"

Click on the links below to view pictures of the storm that hit Cape Town this weekened.




http://lesterhein.blogspot.com/2008/09/cape-of-storms.html

http://lesterhein.blogspot.com/2008/09/update-more-2008-cape-town-storm.html

http://lesterhein.blogspot.com/2008/09/update-even-more-cape-town-storm.html

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the
Results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female
Hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer
consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops
contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn
into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour
period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.