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Bacon tree

Posted by Waxed on 8:05 AM in ,
Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer they see it’s draped with rasher upon rasher of juicy bacon.
“Hey Pepe”, says the first man. “Ees a bacon tree, we’re saved!”
Then he runs to the tree but is gunned down in a hail of bullets.

“What happened?” shouts Pepe. With his last breath, his friend shouts “Run amigo, ees not a bacon tree.
Ees a ham bush.”



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Jacob Zuma's Facebook profile

Posted by Waxed on 3:10 AM in , ,
Click on the pic to enlarge - trust me - it's worth it

Jacob Zuma's Facebook profile

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Juan and the sand

Posted by Waxed on 7:29 AM in ,
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags
over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard
takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing
in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analysed, only to discover that
there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the
man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the
border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally,
Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in
Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's
driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

4

Zumatello, the missing Ninja Turtle

Posted by Waxed on 7:39 AM in , ,


Classic - Jaco Zuma is the missing Ninja Turtle

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The penis on the blackboard

Posted by Waxed on 6:30 AM in , ,
A third grade teacher came in to the room one day and found a drawing of A p*Nis on the blackboard.

She suspiciously looked at her students but didn't say anything.

Instead, she rubbed it off.

The next day, she came in and saw another drawing of an even bigger P*Nis on the board.
She frowns and rubs it off.

The third day, she came in and saw another p*Nis drawn on the board.

This time, it's huge, covering up almost half of the space she couldn't take it anymore so she screams out to the room full of noisy children,

"Why do you kids like drawing this p*Nis on the board? And why is it Getting bigger each day?

Little Johnny then screams out back to her, "The more you rub it, the Bigger it gets..."

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Posted by Waxed on 6:38 AM in , ,
See Bizkit the sleepwalking dog do his thing.

I love the look on his face at the end - "Where the hell am I?"

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