1

SA Presedential Plane

Posted by Waxed on 6:44 AM in , ,
Jacob Zuma, Shabir Shaik and Julius Malema are flying on the Presidential jet to a gathering in Cape Town when Shaik turns to Zuma and says, chuckling,

'You know, I could throw a R1000 note out the window right now and make someone very happy .'

Zuma shrugs and replies, 'Well, I could throw ten R100 notes out the window and make ten people happy.'

Not to be outdone, Malema says, 'Well I could throw a hundred R10 notes out the window and make a hundred people happy.'

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, 'Such arrogant jerks back there. Heck, I could throw all three of them out the window and make 52 million people happy.

0

First celebrity dies of swine flu

Posted by Waxed on 5:13 AM in
We all know who gave it to him..


0

Incredible tales from Africa

Posted by Waxed on 2:01 AM in ,

This is an Incredible story!



In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.


He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.


As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs
and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fuc
king elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.


1

Sperm Bank Robbers

Posted by Waxed on 3:36 AM in , ,
A guy in a ski-mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.

"Open the f*cking safe!", he yells at the girl behind the counter.

"But we're not a real bank" she replies, "We don't have any money. Thisis a sperm bank".

"Don't argue, open the f*cking safe or I'll blow your head off".

She obliges and once she's opened the safe door, the guy says

" Take out one of the bottles and drink it".

"But its full of sperm!" she replies nervously.

" Don't argue. Just drink it!" he says.

She pulls the cap off and gulps it down.

"Take another bottle and drink it too", he demands. She takes out another one and drinks it as well.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the ski-mask and to the girls amazement it's her boyfriend.

"Not that f*cking difficult is it?"


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